Friday, October 20, 2017

Fix-it Friday

We're a little distracted today owing to it being "fix a few mistakes" day by our remodeling crew. This is a day which happens about three times a week and frequently replaces old mistakes with new mistakes. We're hoping, but not necessarily expecting, that this seemingly unending cycle will taper off before we succumb to cirrhosis.

But rather than leave you mirthless on a Friday, here's a fresh new Earwigs cartoon!

And just for fun, here's a little something we posted on Facebook to indicate our eye-rolling exhaustion with hashtag social justice campaigns...

Because no victim should be forgotten.
In a conversationally rambling mood (hey, YOU try to write while a floor-buffing machine is whirling away outside your door), we're looking at the news and just shaking our heads. We're somewhat glad to see people taking notice of the Clintons' scandalous pay-for-play involvement in selling American uranium to Russia, but feel like we're in a time warp. After all, in this very blog we were talking about the issue 6 months ago. Hopefully it will finally get some traction, but we're not about to bet the farm.

We just heard that George W. Bush made a speech overseas which is being construed as a not-too-subtle attack on Donald Trump, implying that the current President is encouraging bigotry and white supremacy. We've always liked Bush (while frequently disagreeing with him), but just have to issue a "please STFU" on this one. Where was this kind of criticism during Obama's horrific race-dividing administration? And where is this wave of alleged white supremacy that we keep hearing about? What cities have been burned? What statues vandalized? What speakers threatened or attacked?

And as long as we're grumbling, what else are we honked off about today? Oh yeah - geriatric communist Jane Fonda was recently being interviewed and was asked if she was proud of America. Jane nearly spit out her dentures in her enthusiastic haste to shout, "No!"

She then quickly followed up that she is proud of "the resistance movement" in America. As is, presumably, the horse she rode in on.

And finally, we're posting this picture just because it's wonderful and vaguely inspirational...

Despite his deformity, he remained plucky.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Toe The Lyin'

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, toe, drunk, bergdahl

Hillary Clinton recently had to cancel a series of interviews after tragically breaking a big toe, which forced her Secret Service detail to immediately call for a big toe truck. Thank you, you've been a beautiful audience, and don't forget to tip your waiters.

No, no - she claims that she was walking backwards down a flight of stairs while wearing high heels and carrying a cup of coffee, which we find entirely believable except for the part where she leaves out being roaring drunk and kicking a staff member.

Or maybe she broke her toe while trying to pull her foot out of her mouth after promising to return Harvey Weinstein's financial contributions, then saying "but there's no one to return them to," then saying "but I'll definitely give the money to charity," after which she declared that Weinstein gave the money to the Clinton Foundation which already is a charity, so she'll keep his filthy, bodily-fluid stained cash after all.

However her alleged injury happened, we'll just note that the woman seems to fall and hurt herself a lot for someone who's not in a 12-step program.


Military traitor (and Obama-administration hero) Bowe Bergdahl has quietly taken a guilty plea for desertion, claiming that he couldn't get a fair trial in Trump's America.

In all the coverage (ie, not much) we're hearing about Bergdahl, people seem to be missing the critical context of what was happening at the time of the infamous Gitmo prisoner swap: Obama was being roasted for the criminal (and often fatal) mistreatment of veterans by the VA, and Bergdahl's "rescue" was Barry's way of trying to get off the hook by showing he'd "leave no man behind."

To that end, we're revisiting what we wrote about the Bergdahl incident at the time...

June 2, 2014 - Another Big Effing Deal

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(Excerpt) the POW, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, may actually have been a military deserter at the time he was captured (or conscripted) by the enemy - and at the very least was a man who held a singularly low opinion of the United States even before his alleged capture.  According to Bergdahl, our nation is "the most conceited country in the world" and "I am ashamed to be an American. And the title of US soldier is just the lie of fools. I am sorry for everything. The horror that is America is disgusting.”

Sentiments which, of course, match those of his commander in chief - the Great Liberator of Guantanamo Bay.

June 4, 2014 - Let's Fake A Deal

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Bowe Bergdahl's father offers Islamic victory prayer in Rose Garden

 (Excerpt) Susan "I'll Say Anything" Rice made the rounds of news shows claiming that Sgt. Bergdahl served "with honor and distinction," which doesn't seem to quite square with the impression given by every other soldier who served with him. Then again, perhaps Ms. Rice has simply been misinformed by a Youtube video.

Meanwhile, James Clapper, then director of National Intelligence, said in 2012 that the "Gitmo Five" were unquestionably too dangerous to release...

June 6, 2014 - Suit First, Ask Questions Later

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, bowe bergdahl, taliban, gitmo five, susan rice, jay carney
(Excerpt) The White House is now asserting that anyone who voluntarily puts on the uniform of the United States has accomplished all that is necessary to be given the "served with honor and distinction" label to wear a lifetime, no matter what circumstances occur later.

And Hope n' Change can't help but wonder: will Nidal Hassan continue to rot in jail here in the United States, or will his service with "honor and distinction" allow him to be bundled with the Blind Sheikh, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, and other jihadists for Barry's next prisoner swap?

DOCTORING (June 6, 2014)

obama, obama jokes, political, cartoon, humor, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, bergdahl, terror, prisoner, swap, taliban

So why did the White House have to act super-duper fast to secure the Bergdahl-Terrorists swap without meeting the legal 30-day requirement to inform Congress? Supposedly, it was because they compared two videos (allegedly Charlie the Unicorn, and This Too Shall Pass) and came to the stunning conclusion that Bergdahl's health was in rapid decline and immediate action was called for.

Oddly, they came to this conclusion in December, 2013 - but didn't do anything about it until, by wild coincidence, the VA scandal broke wide open and B. Hussein desperately needed to make a highly-visible gesture of caring about members of the military.

Granted, it seems that it's the Taliban's military that got the best of the deal - but at least Barry cares. And gosh, Bergdahl was really, really, really sick and close to dying. Unless he was erroneously diagnosed (from watching a video, no less) by the same nitwits who declared that the Lockerbie bomber, who killed 259 people on Pan Am Flight 203, was only days away from dying and deserved to be released from prison on humanitarian grounds (which Barry agreed to).

Like the "Gitmo 5," he returned to his homeland and a hero's welcome...and then lived another 3 years, much to the horror of the hundreds of families decimated by his act of terror.

But all of this may be overthinking the issue. B. Hussein doesn't actually care about Bergdahl, Bergdahl's health, or the health of any member of our armed forces. He does care about his poll numbers and his popularity in the Muslim world - and he thought this obscene prisoner swap would help him in both areas.

He couldn't possibly be more wrong.

Monday, October 16, 2017

REALLY Taking The Day Off

Yes, I would buy this in a heartbeat.
Okay, we tried to cop out of making a real post on Friday but it didn't stick. This time, we really ARE giving ourselves a short restorative break.

Not that it's exactly relaxing. As we reach the end of the physical remodeling of the house (praise Cthulhu!) we have to start taking things out of 100+ boxes to put back...after first deciding whether these myriad things will stay or go.

Which means we're spending days tossing out old VHS tapes, vinyl albums (including the rare "Best of Marcel Marceau"), ill-considered DVD purchases, books we meant to read but didn't, clothes we hoped to "slim down into" but really didn't, family photos so old that NO ONE living knows who these people are anymore, tools and materials for "someday" projects which we now believe unlikely to happen, and memorabilia of times and places which, in Life's not always kind hindsight, seem better forgotten.

It's tiring and emotional work, especially for a certifiable pack rat, and doesn't leave many brain cells for political analysis or levity. Not that we had a superabundance of brain cells to start with.

So we're "draining the swamp" - our own personal swamp - today and for days ahead. But hopefully we'll be back with a regular post on Wednesday. See you then!


Alleged actress Rose McGowan has been among the loudest voices accusing Harvey Weinstein of being a sexual predator who didn't treat her as a "nice girl."

Just for the record, here's how Rose dresses for important, high-profile Hollywood events, to make sure everyone present notices her...mind.

We still think Weinstein needs the book thrown at him, but more importantly the whole Hollywood T&A culture - in which many men and women know exactly what they're really buying and selling - needs to change.

"A Rose by any other name wouldst still be a ho."

Friday, October 13, 2017

Fried Day the 13th

Per the title of today's post, we're feeling absolutely fried today (and not "over easy" in any sense) and are giving ourselves a restorative break from the news, remodeling woes, and reality in general.

That being said, we DO have a quick cartoon that popped out reflexively after a good friend (and talented, nationally syndicated cartoonist!) sent an email worrying about the potential for trouble when male and female "boy" scouts start camping out together...


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We're not actually sure how bad an idea this new policy will be, but we don't much like the idea of tampering with institutions which have worked so very well for such a long time.

Although to be fair, maybe it's time girls got a chance to learn the skills that boys learn from scouting, rather than just being forced to sell cookies door-to-door.


Despite our promise above to take the day off, we've now had a restorative adult beverage or three and decided to add another cartoon...

After taking most of a week before denouncing the Clintonian predations of slimeball Harvey Weinstein, Hillary has finally issued a gently scolding tweet and promised to "give back" Weinstein's campaign donations by "donating them to charity."

Which raises a number of questions. Which charities will she donate to in order to advance the cause of women? Planned Parenthood would no doubt be high on that list, since they offer valuable abortion services to women (some under the age of consent) who've been impregnated by swine like Weinstein.

Or maybe the money will go to - surprise! - the Clinton Foundation, to help fund Chelsea's wardrobe and plastic surgeries as she fights the worldwide scourge of third world diarrhea (and no, we're not making that up).

But the big question is: will she then deduct any such "donations" from her own taxes? That would basically allow her to keep 30% (or more) of Weinstein's money by taking advantage of taxpayers (many of them female) against their will.

Irony, thy name is Hillary.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

State of Insanity

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Say what you will about California, but it's unquestionably our nation's greatest, most fertile, and consistently reliable source of really bad ideas.

As a case in point, Governor Jerry Brown has just signed a law which eliminates felony charges for those who do not tell their sexual partners about having the HIV virus before unprotected sex, and also allows those carrying the virus to donate blood without making staffers aware that they've just collected the equivalent of Typhoid Mary in a bag.

In California (and isn't it funny that, following those two words, we could basically write anything and it would be believable?) it will now be only a misdemeanor for those with HIV to lie about their status and have unprotected sex, even if it's their actual intent to deliberately spread AIDS.

But surely no one would do that, right? Wrong. Not only is it done, but it's so common that there's actually a name for the practice of deliberately infecting others: "stealthing." And in California, this despicable and potentially deadly act will now be on a legal par with littering.

And as far as tainting the public blood supply with HIV, all we can guess is that Californians will applaud the new diversity in blood products which previously were unlikely to kill you.

Theoretically, this is supposed to be a great blow against homophobia (no pun intended, but geez - it was unavoidable). But to our way of thinking this insanity is nothing less than granting rights (and sanctuary status) to a deadly virus while denying rights to potential human victims.

In other words, business as usual for California.


Hillary finally weighs in on her big donor...

Monday, October 9, 2017

Turning Over a New Leaf

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In fairness to Weinstein, it was a Hairy Palm tree.
Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, a liberal champion and deep pockets Democratic donor, has been outed as a longtime serial sexual predator whose abuse of "casting couch" privileges would make Caligula puke.

Interestingly, but not in the least surprisingly, those in Hollywood and in the Left's power circles have known about all of this for decades - and didn't care. Because in their sick world, having power, money, and a platform to espouse Leftist ideology far outweighs any little peccadilloes like actual sexual abuse.

Moreover, according to the feminist playbook (which was hastily rewritten following the Lewinsky affair), it's just fine for a man in a powerful position to take advantage of women if those women think there's a chance they can get something out of it. The alleged lesson of the Clinton era was what looks like abuse is actually women empowering themselves through the use of their sexuality.

So we're a little confused about how we're supposed to feel about Weinstein - is he monster or martyr? In any event, having declared himself a victim of his own carnal impulses he's already well on the way to being completely forgiven by those on the Left - unlike a certain President who only joked about pussy grabbing.


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Statues of Robert E. Lee are breathing a sigh of relief today, because they're getting a 24 hour reprieve from social justice vandals thanks to "Deface Columbus Day."

Antifa groups nationwide are being called on by the basement-dwelling Revolutionary Abolitionist Movement (RAM) to deface, vandalize, or destroy any public monuments to Christopher Columbus, because inanimate objects make better targets than people who can fight back.

We're not even sure why the Revolutionary Abolitionist Movement has a grudge against Columbus, as their stated purpose is "the violent redistribution of wealth" and "the abolition of gender" which presumably involves the violent redistribution of genitalia.

All of which makes us think that if Columbus had known what the future held, he wouldn't have bothered discovering a land of such galloping idiocy.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Frankly, Sinatra, I Don't Give A Damn

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Hard to believe she's still using air that should have been Tom Petty's.
Following the horrific massacre in Las Vegas, decrepit former entertainer Nancy "These Boobs Were Made For Sagging" Sinatra has come up with a brilliantly simple way to permanently end gun violence in our nation.

Specifically, she wants all five million members of the NRA to be lined up against a wall and shot to death by firing squads. Granted, this would have absolutely no effect on criminal gun violence in our country, but the massive domestic holocaust would at least temporarily slake the bottomless blood lust of those on the Left and (bonus!) get them to support funding for Trump's really big wall so they can have someplace to line up so many citizens.

There could also be a positive little bump in the nation's textile industry which would need to quickly provide five million blindfolds to those who would rather not accidentally gaze on Nancy Sinatra's smug, withered visage before they're executed.

Since Ms. Sinatra is clearly clueless, we'd like to give her one: genocidal fascists like you are the reason that good people want guns, and the reason that the NRA exists to protect them from your murderous, anti-constitutional impulses.


Jeld-wen, jeldwen, doors, windows, condensation, crap, rip off, caveat emptor, buyer beware, low-e glass, POS
Actually, "Fog" wasn't the first F-word we thought of...
As a quick followup to Wednesday's post, here is our new super-duper, energy efficient, double-paned back door from Jeld-wen.

We have been informed by Jeld-wen that the door is functioning perfectly despite being obscured by condensation (currently on the outside of the door, but which will conveniently fog over on the inside come Winter). No other glass in the house is doing this.

One might think that consumers would buy a glass door for the purpose of, oh, seeing through it - but Jeld-wen assures us that such consumers are drooling idiots of the type not protected by any warranty ("The fault is yours, sir, for buying the wrong product"). Because according to Jeld-wen, the true purpose of glass is to prevent deadly global warming-induced ultra violet radiation from penetrating into our home in case the world tips on its axis and our north-facing door is suddenly getting blasted by direct exposure to solar rays from Canada.

To their credit, Jeld-wen acknowledges on their website that condensation can be a problem. They even have a video which suggests that the condition can be mitigated by turning up the heat on your furnace and pointing an electric fan at the condensation (in our case, by running a fan outside). These are, charitably speaking, odd ways of attaining "energy efficiency."

A less than helpful representative of Jeld-wen assured us that there is nothing we can do other than to accept this interesting quirk of their excellent product, and we suppose they're right. And just to prove there are no hard feelings, we'd like all Stilton's Place readers who are considering building, remodeling, or doing window replacement to think first of Jeld-wen doors and windows if they've previously found their utility bills to be too low, and standard glass to be just too damned clear most of the time.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

In Praise of Lead Balloons

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Granted, lead balloons aren't expected to fly...but in times like these we think they're just the thing for lowering one's self into quieter, calmer waters for a bit.

All of the news and social media nonsense surrounding the nightmare in Las Vegas has actually managed to make a horrible situation worse. Finger-pointing, conspiracy theories, and political opportunism are all running rampant as people try to find a way to "never let a serious crisis go to waste." And it sickens us.

On a more personal level, we're mourning the loss of Tom Petty - a damn good rocker about whom "workmanlike" should be considered a term of praise. He was an American original and spoke to and for the heartland. He created a lot of great music, and we're saddened that his contributions are too soon over.

We're also feeling emotionally drained today as we round the two month mark on home remodeling. Every day brings a delightful new surprise, assuming you consider an incipient gastric ulcer "delightful," with today being no exception.

We had a warm, wet rain overnight - and as a result our brand new, fiendishly expensive, double-paned glass back door fogged over from top to bottom. As none of our crappy 30-year old double-paned windows did this, we suspected that something was wrong with the door. But nooOOooo. The manufacturer told us that condensation was simply a feature of their overpriced door and didn't represent a problem.

Apparently, they don't actually set up the double panes to provide an insulation factor or thermal barrier (surprise!) and promise only that their special reflectivity will give energy efficiency by bouncing dangerous UV waves away from our door's exterior (where direct sunlight of ANY kind never hits) while permitting cold air to flow right through - thereby making condensation a certainty on humid days when we run our air conditioning. And yes - that combination happens a LOT in Texas.

Bonus: come Wintertime, this will translate to a cold incoming draft and interior condensation - maybe even sheets of ice upon which we can chip off and add to any alcohol we'll still be able to afford!

It being that sort of day, we ducked out of the house (it's "fix your mistakes day," so there's a lot of hammering, painting, and such going on at the Jarlsberg estate) and went to McDonald's, where we managed to bring the entire operation to a halt by turning in a complicated and, perhaps, wholly unprecedented order: "A Big Mac meal and a cheeseburger."  Seriously, the subsequent "meal" would have arrived faster if I'd ordered Duck a l'Orange on a bed of banana Moon Pies.

So please pardon this rambling, self-indulgent post. Following the horror in Las Vegas, it's going to take awhile for us to get back into the levity habit.


Monday, October 2, 2017

Puerto Potty

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And maybe lend them one of your homes?
The Left is feigning outrage over a tweet storm from Donald Trump in which he criticized the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico after she accused Trump of sending no aid to hurricane victims, treating Puerto Ricans like animals, and encouraging "genocide."

That mayor, who would meet all of the qualifications of being a major whackjob even if she wasn't a huge Hillary supporter, can only make such claims by ignoring the massive amounts of aid that President Trump has already sent and continues to send to the devastated island - which the complaining mayor might have known about had she actually bothered to attend any meetings with FEMA coordinators as other officials are doing (she hasn't).

The narrative that aid to Puerto Rico is somehow lacking is playing widely in mainstream media, and has absolutely no basis in fact (see below for exhaustive documentation). And while we already know that those on the Left believe they should "never let a serious crisis go to waste," it's appalling that they're using the very real suffering of those in Puerto Rico to score their cheap and baseless political points.


On a somewhat lighter (but no less stupid) note - First Lady Melania Trump was recently criticized in the media for having the insensitive audacity to encourage childhood literacy and give a gift of Dr. Seuss books to a library. Horrors! A staff librarian, whom we'd bet our life savings owns a pussy hat, rejected the books and derided the First Lady by claiming that Dr. Seuss's beloved children's classics are (wait for it!) racist.

We initially found this hard to swallow, but will admit to having second thoughts after discovering this shocking title...

BONUS: THE JUICE IS LOOSE (Not a Dr. Seuss Book)

UPDATE: ACTUAL AID TO PUERTO RICO (Special Thank You to Mike Rilling)

The news media is presenting the impression that Trump isn't doing much about the crisis in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
So here's a summary (compiled mostly from FEMA's daily updates) of what the Trump Administration has done so far since Maria hit Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands on September 20.
By September 23 . . .
** Six commercial barges were delivering meals, water, generators, cots, and other commodities to Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
** Three flights per day were arriving, each carrying approximately 33,000 meals.
** The logistics support ship SS Wright arrived carrying more than 1.1 million meals, and nearly one million liters of freshwater.
** Two shipping barges with 1.2 million liters of water, 31 generators, and more than 6,000 cots have arrived in St. Thomas.
** Two additional shipping barges loaded with food, water, and emergency relief supplies are en route to the Caribbean Sea from Florida.
** Millions of additional meals were and are being flown to Puerto Rico from staging areas in Kentucky and Florida.
** DLA transported 124,000 gallons of diesel fuel to Puerto Rico.
By September 27, the Trump Administration, working with officials in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands . . .
** Opened points of distribution (POD) in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands for survivors to get meals, water, and other commodities.
** FEMA, working in coordination with federal partners, provided millions of meals and millions of liters of water to Puerto Rico and U.S. Virgin Islands. Additional meals and water continue to arrive at the islands daily.
** FEMA’s National Business Emergency Operations Center (NBEOC) is facilitating private sector requests for humanitarian relief.
** The NBEOC continues coordination between government and private sector organizations as the community responds to Hurricanes Maria.
** Mobile Emergency Response Support (MERS) communications assets and personnel continue to support the FEMA Incident Management Assistance Teams (IMAT), Urban Search and Rescue (US&R), National Disaster Medical System (NDMS), and other federal teams in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
As of September 27, 2017 . . .
** A U.S. Coast Guard (USCG) mobile communications team is in Puerto Rico to help improve communications across the storm-impacted area.
** FEMA search and rescue teams have visited all 78 municipalities of Puerto Rico, conducting search and rescue operations and helping to assess hospitals.
** FEMA US&R task forces saved or assisted 843 individuals and five pets, while searching over 2,600 structures as of September 27.
** The U.S. Virgin Islands Water and Power Authority drinking water system is back online, and other drinking water systems on the islands are top priority for receiving generators.
** The Concordia potable water pump station is online in St. Croix.
** The U.S. Virgin Islands Water and Power Authority Waste Management, and USACE are addressing potential public health risks of garbage build up; coordinating route clearance of wires and poles to enable garbage haulers to access the St. Thomas landfill.
** The National Guard Bureau (NGB) has thousands of Guard members on the ground in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands taking part in security and support operations. The Air National Guard is focused on transporting food, water, and communications capabilities as well as rapidly increasing airlift into affected areas.
** More than 180 Federal Law Enforcement Officers (FLEO) are in San Juan and the U.S. Virgin Islands supporting search and rescue, medical teams, and other federal responders, additional FLEOs are en route expected to arrive this week. Additional law enforcement support from New York State Police is on the ground in St. John.
** The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has supported the restoration of services to all 8 commercial airports in Puerto Rico.
** The FAA has restored full Air Traffic Control (ATC) services to Luis Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan and limited ATC services to Rafael Hernandez Airport in Aguadilla. Recovery efforts are now supporting more than a dozen commercial passenger flights per day at Luis Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
** 26 chainsaw teams and one Incident Management Team (IMT) (23 individuals) from the Department of Agriculture United States Forest Service arrived in Puerto Rico Wednesday to conduct emergency road clearance and manage logistics.
** The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) debris experts are assisting FEMA with debris management strategies in Puerto Rico and U.S. Virgin Islands. One of the first priorities is emergency route clearance in multiple locations to enable access to remote locations.
** USACE also completed a Blue Roof install on Cyril E. King Airport on St. Thomas, and completed its first residential Blue Roof install on September 23. Assessments for St. Croix are ongoing. A customer service center for Blue Roof installations opened over the weekend for Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
** To bolster the delivery of fuel throughout Puerto Rico, 100 delivery trucks were dispatched by the Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) carrying an estimated 275,000 gallons of diesel fuel.
** Power is restored to Centro Médico Hospital in San Juan and San Pablo Hospital in Bayamón, Puerto Rico.
**The Governor Juan F. Luis Hospital in St. Croix and the Schneider Regional Medical Center in St. Thomas are established as mobile hospitals.
** More than half of dialysis centers in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are open and accessible for patients. More critical care facilities will re-open in the coming days as power and access are restored.
** The U.S. Coast Guard reports the following port statuses with additional ports opening as assessments continue:
Puerto Rico:
Open: Port of San Juan, Guayanilla, Salinas, and Talboa
Open with restrictions: Arecibo, Fajardo, Culebra, Guayama, Mayaguez, and Vieques
U.S. Virgin Islands:
St. Thomas: Charlotte Amalie, East Gregerie Channel, Crown Bay, West Gregerie Channel
St. Croix: Krause Lagoon, Frederiksted, Limetree Bay
Open with Restrictions:
St. Thomas: Redhook Bay
St. John: Cruz Bay
** USACE coordinated transportation of more than 300 FEMA or Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) generators from across the U.S. to meet anticipated requirements in the islands. More generators continue to arrive.
The above info is compiled mostly from the FEMA website, which provides a daily update on what's happening.
And this from my military expert friend J Michael Waller who is tracking this closely. I'll just copy and paste here what he reports:
US Navy/Marine Corps Assets currently on station, or enroute to the Caribbean AOR:
26th Marine Expeditionary Unit with Battalion Landing Team 2/6
Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln Battle Group
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Wasp
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Iwo Jima
Amphibious Assault Ship USS Kearsarge
Amphibious Transport Dock USS New York
Amphibious Landing Ship USS Oak Hill
Hospital Ship USNS Comfort
Aviation Logistics Support Ship USNS Wright
Dry Cargo Ship USNS William McLean
The above are enough assets to land an entire USMC Marine Expeditionary Brigade, with combat logistics elements. For those who don't know what that is, that's several thousand Marines, with all their gear.
All of the above, with the exception of the hospital ship, are capable of independent air operations.
Note: MEDEVACs are ALREADY being done, and began IMMEDIATELY by the US Coast Guard, and US Navy aviation.
Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln is producing purified potable water, at the rate of 400,000 gallons a day. Full capacity.
The carrier, all 3 assault ships, the LSD, and LPD, all have operating rooms to stabilize critical medical/trauma cases, prior to evacuation to either the hospital ship, or land based medical treatment facilities.
The hospital ship is capable of handling a patient load of up to 1,000 patients, with full OR, ICU, and Recovery wards.
In addition, fleet refueling ships are also enroute to provide fuel specifically for public safety equipment on the ground.
Obviously, the human catastrophe in Puerto Rico continues to be dire. Pray for Puerto Rico. And much work still needs to be done.
But it's just inaccurate (intentionally inaccurate) to suggest that Trump has not taken every conceivable action to help the 3.4 million people of Puerto Rico.
in addition to this there are in excess of 10,000 giant shipping containers filled with emergency supplies and the mayor refuses to work with the trucking Union to get distributed throughout the Island
What else should he be doing?

Friday, September 29, 2017

Killer Queen

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In a recent interview with Charlie Rose, embittered loser Hillary Clinton advanced the idea that President Trump is no better than Vladimir Putin, and added "Hopefully he hasn't ordered the killings of people and journalists and the like."

Ironically, she made this statement only days after a blogger who created "fake news" during the election cycle and credited himself with helping Trump win was found dead as a doornail at age 38. Initial speculation is that he overdosed on prescription medication, which is easy to do when a sawed off shotgun is held to your head and you're ordered to keep swallowing pills.

Ignoring for the moment the huge likelihood that Hillary has personally ordered more killings than the Cosa Nostra, her murderous accusations about a sitting President of the United States are beyond despicable.

We'd say more, but we don't want to suddenly meet with a fatal "remodeling" accident.


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Yesterday the world lost Hugh Hefner, age 91, the creator of Playboy magazine, the Playboy philosophy, the Playboy mansion, and Most Valuable Player in the kickoff of the sexual revolution.

Playboy was a significant influence on many a young man back in its heyday, because it really was about more than just the nudie pictures - although what pictures they were! Modestly posed (by today's standards) with natural bodies of all shapes and sizes appealingly free of surgical enhancement.

It was only in later years, facing competition from raunchier fare like Penthouse and Hustler, that Playboy's photos turned more to (as Archie Bunker once said) the "groinecological."

But apart from the Playmates, any given issue of Playboy (and we're recalling back to the 70's here) had much else to offer. Yes, the interviews and articles really were top notch and not just filler. And for those of us who were into cartoons, Playboy was a little slice of heaven. The creepy stylings of Gahan Wilson, the exquisite line work of Shel Silverstein, Sokol, Rodriguez, and many more. And the delightful Mad-ness (pun fully intended) of "Little Annie Fanny" by Harvey Kurtzman and Will Elder.

We haven't looked at a current issue of Playboy in decades, but our fond memories linger on. And so we feel the loss of Hugh Hefner with genuine sadness as another little piece of a more innocent past flickers out.

Coincidentally, the day Hef died was also the day we finally threw out our waterbed. It will soon be replaced by something less hedonistic and more geriatric-friendly. Further proof that Time is a harsh mistress who doesn't have a staple in her belly button.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Jerry Skids

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, dallas cowboys, taking the knee, jerry jones, spineless, coward, national anthem, michael brown, BLM, hands up, don't shoot

While it's unlikely that the Dallas Cowboys will be winning titles anytime soon, on Monday night they did succeed in rebranding themselves as the new Rockettes of Virtue Signaling by having the entire team, including owner Jerry Jones, come out and kneel on the field just before the playing of the national anthem.

They seemed to assume that as long as the anthem isn't playing, it's a perfectly good time for an entire franchise to shove their politics in fans faces while simultaneously declaring their hatred of the police (five of whom were brutally murdered in Dallas while protecting the rights of anti-police protesters) and their sneering disdain for what they perceive to be an unpleasantly patriotic President of the United States.

Jones claimed that the social justice curtsy was performed as a show of unity and solidarity - but unity with who and solidarity with what cause? No one seems to be quite sure at this point...but it's not really even important in an environment which now sees virtue signaling as more important than virtue itself.

And let's not forget how all of this nonsense started...

Following the death of Michael "Gentle Giant" Brown in Ferguson, the narrative was that this big, lovable lug was just ambling down the street when a foam-flecked racist white cop decided to execute him, perhaps with the intent of making a rug.

The actual facts showed that Brown had just committed a strong arm robbery and physical assault, then attacked the police officer and tried to grab his gun before attaining glorious martyrdom face down on the sizzling pavement.

The police officer was subsequently cleared of any wrongdoing (including by federal investigators who were doing their damnedest to find anything), but virtue signalers in politics, news, and entertainment kept doing the "hands up" boogie anyway, as surely as they're now taking the knee in furtherance of a lie that too many people - including the dimwitted Colin Kaepernick - still believe to be true.

Not that it's surprising: after all, Barack Obama DID stand in the well of the United Nations and declare that this incident alone made our nation the moral equivalent of the worst human rights offenders on Earth.

In actual fact, this whole stupid Kabuki act has far more to do with the lingering poison of social arsonist Barack Obama and the usual strident race-baiters than anything Donald Trump has done or said.

The good news is that in our low-attention span society, this will probably all pass within a week. The bad news is that something even dumber is likely to replace it.


A new study (as if we didn't already have enough old studies) suggests that psychopaths prefer rap music to classical, which would tempt us to say "Duh!" if we weren't reticent about honking off psychopaths.

This information could be useful in case you're planning a party with an abundance of psychopaths on the list (say, a Democratic fundraiser) and are trying to decide whether your playlist should lean more heavily on "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik," or whatever popular wham-bam, kill the cops, f*ck the hoes, brain-damaged monosyllabic tribal chant is currently thudding out of oversized (and quite likely stolen) car speakers.

Monday, September 25, 2017

The Nuts Who Say Knee

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, nfl, knee, national anthem, london

The latest shiny object in the news is the epic battle between President Donald Trump and millionaire athletes who "take the knee" during the national anthem as a protest against police, racial inequality, and the horrifying discovery of cotton in Hobby Lobby stores.

Donald Trump, in typical understated fashion, helped ramp things up by opining that any "son of a bitch" that takes the knee during the anthem should immediately be fired or suspended for showing disrespect to America. In rebuttal, more athletes started dropping to their knees (or linking arms), including both teams at an NFL exhibition game in London's Wembley Stadium ("Wembley," for those who don't know, is the british name for American football).

That game, between the Jaguars and Ravens, was a 44-7 blowout...demonstrating that at least one team should be more ashamed of its athletic ability than its country.

It's hard for us to get very worked up about all of this, as the political opinions of any entertainers don't concern us much - let alone entertainers who make their livings by absorbing repeated blows to the head.

Still, if it will restore peace and harmony to the NFL, we'd like to suggest a modest proposal: in predominantly black neighborhoods, replace the police with "special teams" units of football players wearing standard helmets and padding (no kevlar allowed) who will humanely subdue possibly-armed suspects by implementing an explosive blindside tackle, after which they can do a happy little ass-shaking dance while judges review tapes of the play.

And who knows - maybe one day, we'll see the whole thing come to Wembley Stadium when the "Thin Blue Linebackers" take on the "Pistol Packin' Perps." It would have to be a more entertaining game than the overpaid prima donnas of the Jaguars and Ravens put on last Sunday.

Because Pre-Apocalyptic humor is the funniest kind.

Friday, September 22, 2017

It's Alive!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, sick, rosh hashanah
Hey, it was worth a shot.
We're glad to report that we've turned a corner (not to be confused with a coroner) and actually started improving. Which isn't to say that we feel great, but we feel great by comparison - which can be a useful perspective to be reminded of from time to time.

We looked for a news story to comment on today, but it seems all the most interesting stuff is somewhat past its prime at this juncture: the Manafort wiretapping, Trump's great U.N. speech, and Hillary's preposterous self-identification as Paul Revere. All are still great stories, but all have already been fully commented on elsewhere.

Hopefully, this will be our last "placeholder" post before getting back to our regular tomfoolery on Monday - and we have no doubt whatsoever that the news will provide plenty of new grist for our mill by then. And trust us, "grist" is the nicest word we can use.

Have a great (and healthy!) weekend, and best wishes to all our Jewish friends for Rosh Hashanah!

All we need now is something for our lingering cough...

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

In Sickness And In...No, Just Sickness

Oh, it is SO not happening today. We're still sick, and our home is still jammed with contractors trying to outdo one another in the making outrageous noises competition.

At this very moment, our head is pounding and we actually feel faint - making it a less than perfect time to really savor the ongoing duet by a circular saw and nail gun. And what's better for a queasy tummy and rattling phlegm-filled lungs than a fresh round of toxic paint fumes?

On top of everything else, we had to take time off from wishing for a speedy death to deal with the fact that a coffin-sized box which has been getting moved all over our house for the last 6 weeks turned out to contain the wrong friggin' bathtub. 

We'll be back ASAP. Until then, carry on!

Monday, September 18, 2017

Lawn Order

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, lawn, mow, boy, frank, sick, hillary

One of the happiest political stories of the past week involved 11-year old Frank Giaccio, who wrote to President Trump asking if he could mow the White House lawn to promote his self-created business and was awarded the job.

"That's the real future of the country right there," beamed Mr. Trump as he pointed at the young entrepreneur. "Maybe he'll be President someday!"

When questioned whether he'd also asked Hillary Clinton if he could mow her grass, young Frank replied "No, but I did offer to shovel her snow."

"But there is no snow," said Hillary.

"Lady," laughed Frank, "there'll be snow in Hell before you're in the White House!"

(Editorial note: we may have made up the part about Hillary)


We're a little light on substance at Stilton's Place today (despite plenty of things going on) owing to being impressively, disgustingly ill. Mrs Jarlsberg got the ball rolling with sore throat, sneezes and coughs, and we hoped beyond hope for 24 hours that it would prove to be just allergies (have we mentioned our home is really dusty lately? We have? Never mind).

But nooOOooo, a happy little invading army of germs has swept through the Jarlsberg home and taken no prisoners. Even our freaking teeth hurt, and it's getting increasingly hard to find walls which aren't freshly painted upon which to cough blood-flecked phlegm.

We'll be right as rain soon, but in the meanwhile you may want to wash your hands if you actually touched your keyboard while reading this. Better safe than sorry.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Yoga Bared

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, what happened, yoga, alternate nostril breathing, huma, snatch n' sniff

During an interview pushing her bitter, brain-damaged memoir "What Happened," (soon to be followed by the sequel "Where Am I?") Hillary Clinton was asked about her practice of yoga.

Surprisingly, she was able to recall some details despite having erased some 33,000 "personal" emails on the subject (along with other "personal" email like details of her mother's funeral, Chelsea's wedding, family recipes, multiple refusals of additional security to Ambassador Stevens in Benghazi and, of course, her highly personal sale of America's uranium reserves to Russia).

Part of her yoga routine consists of "alternate nostril breathing," which involves closing one nostril with a finger and then breathing deeply through the other. This is then repeated until she reaches an oxygen-deprived state in which she can temporarily forget that she is officially The Biggest Loser In History.

The alternate nostril technique does not, however, work for her husband Bill - who famously does not inhale, but is no stranger to blowing.


The cartoon above wasn't our first version, but we considered it the funniest version. Still, the joke may be a bit vague for those who have clean minds or who have mercifully forgotten Huma Abedin. For you, we present the alternate version of the cartoon, which you should read while holding one of your nostrils shut.

"Code name: Chardonnay."

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Trials and Trivializations

"It appears your house was built over a haunted crematorium..."

Theoretically, there is a little video above showing the current state of the Jarlsberg living room. We're not entirely sure the video works, though, which is pretty much the same thing we can say about everything else in the house about now.

The remodeling slog goes on, and we apologize for writing about it yet again - but we no longer have the wits to talk about much else. So here are some random observations:

• Despite the many distractions around the house, we successfully crossed an important item off our lifetime bucket list today: "buy $200 worth of aged bronze doorknobs in one transaction." Looks like "Swim with dolphins" will just have to wait for another year.

• Because we're redoing the entire house, everything - and we mean everything - has to keep moving nomadically from room to room to stay ahead of the tile guys, the painters, and anyone else who wants to wander through our house without making eye contact. Most of our waking hours are being spent moving things, time and again, from where they don't belong to where they will never be found again.  Sure, it seems unproductive, but the wrenching back pain at the end of the day makes it all worthwhile.

Riddle: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? Surprisingly, the answer is no longer "zero" if you replace your old canister lights with the new self-contained, totally-sealed LED ones which cost $25 each and can't be changed by the consumer. Somehow, we suspect Obama is to blame.

• It's exceedingly hard to be witty while someone is vigorously sanding your office door, mere feet away, at this very freaking moment. We feel like a morsel of food desperately hiding from a relentless toothbrush.

• When you only have one real spoon available for all your meals for days at a time, it's funny to discover that your wife has been using the same spoon to mix the wet dog food with the dry stuff. Bone appetit! (And yes, the "bone" joke was intentional).

• You can learn interesting things about your home helpers based on the litter they leave behind! For instance, someone in the crew is taking a thick green liquid medicine to help clear up his attacks of diarrhea (perhaps we didn't need a new bathroom vent fan after all). Quite possibly the same fellow who ate a banana and then tossed the peel on a windowsill just before a metric buttload of furniture was moved to block it from reach. The withered, blackened peel is now spontaneously generating its own cloud of banana gnats.

Which we forgive only because "banana gnats" is sort of fun to say.

• When we stumble (literally and frequently) through our home in the dark, we're sorry we ever laughed at any joke which involved Helen Keller and moving the furniture.

And he was never seen again...

Monday, September 11, 2017

Moody Monday

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hurricane, irma, 9/11, bolling, rago, hillary, remodeling
Risibility is in short supply today, owing to an overabundance of bad news converging from multiple fronts (and no, that's not a weather joke).  Combine that with the weariness we're feeling from our ongoing remodeling adventure and we just don't quite have the strength to find much to laugh at today.

Or at least we didn't until daughter Jarlsberg sent us this cartoon this morning...

Well, it struck us as funny. But then, it's that kind of day. Or maybe just the fact that we've been inhaling WAY too many paint fumes lately...

Friday, September 8, 2017

No Post Today

All is fine, but we've just been informed by people wielding power tools that we can no longer maintain a computer presence while standing at the bathroom vanity anymore, as a new round of work is to be performed in here (actual work, not just the usual excretions, ablutions, and general bacchanalia with Mr. Bubble).

So we've got to unplug everything and try to find some small piece of level ground elsewhere in the house to set up shop.

Sorry - we'll try to be here on Monday with fresh material! Have a great weekend - and a SAFE one if you're in Irma's path.   -Stilton

YOU BE THE JUDGE: Remodeling Progress or Last Line of Anti-Zombie Defense?!

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Fee Fi Ho Hum

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, giant, tree, remodeling, mr blandings, paint

We're going the Earwigs route today because after a quick morning game of "you have a half hour to pick all the new paint colors for your house because the painters are here," we felt like we owed ourselves a little something special at lunch. Specifically, a surprisingly potent margarita at our local Mexican restaurant which put us into a blissful coma for about two hours.

It would be funny to say that we woke up painted head to toe in Dhurrie Beige with accents of Navajo White, but the reality is that we just snored CPAP-free in a La-Z-Boy until a chirpy saleswoman called to share the redemptive gospel of AARP insurance supplement plans.

So, we're blowing off the news yet again - although in complete seriousness, we want to put out positive thoughts for all those who may be in the path of hurricane Irma. We're not suddenly getting into the climate change business, but two such powerful hurricanes in a short space of time does give a body pause (as Larry Talbot once said under a full moon).

And yes, that's both a terrible and terribly obscure joke. Did we mention that it was a really strong margarita?

Monday, September 4, 2017

As The World Burns

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, remodeling, north korea, hydrogen bomb, hurricane harvey, texas
There's never an asteroid strike when you really need one.
Work goes on at Castle Jarlsberg, and the tasteful image above pretty much represents the reality of our situation: everything is torn up, nothing is finished, and we've devolved to a primitive existence in which we subsist on a diet of cold pieces of ham fat and jellybeans, while having just one glass to use for both scotch and toothbrushing. Not that a little minty freshness ever hurt a glass of Clan MacGregor.

By the way, the bottom right corner of the picture shows you where I'm standing right now: my computer is atop the new bathroom vanity, the keyboard (having no room) is to the right, and the mouse is down another level next to Mrs. J's sink. It ain't pretty, folks.

We're actually a little too burned out to give you much today, but there ARE a couple of things we wanted to at least mention because they're pretty darned important.

Right up there at the top of the list: Kim Jung Un apparently having a hydrogen bomb that he can launch on an ICBM. This would officially be the point at which the joke is no longer funny. If he can get off an EMP attack, we're done. Kaput. Finished. A threat which was well known throughout Obama's entire time in office, yet received no "shovel ready" funds for hardening our electrical grid. I can't remember the exact figures for protecting our entire system, but I think it's probably less than that jerk gave to Acorn or the car companies.

He could have affordably protected our country while boosting employment, but didn't - because both of these were things he didn't want.

We don't know what Trump is going to do about this situation, but it's serious enough that NO option should be off the table. And that should scare all of us.

The other bone we have to pick (see how we returned to that caveman imagery?) regards one particular aspect of the news coverage we've been seeing about the ongoing search, rescue, and rebuilding efforts going on in our great home state of Texas following hurricane Harvey.

We keep hearing that in a country torn by hate and strife, it's semi-miraculous to see people coming together, putting aside race and ideology, and working together in a spirit of community.

Well screw that.

Not the good works - which are myriad, heartwarming, and inspiring. But screw the idea that some sort of "change" has happened, and this wasn't how Texans were before the crisis. Here's a freaking news bulletin: Texas is filled, by and large, with good, Godly people who were already getting along just fine - and take it as a cultural norm that we reach out to help when others, any others, are in need.

You can see it in the rate we donate to charities, volunteer for community services, and enlist for military duty. There has been no change of heart for Texans because we didn't need one.

The people making these rescues, serving up meals, and providing shelter aren't magically reformed members of Antifa, Black Lives Matter, the KKK, or Neo-Nazis...none of whom are actually welcome in this great state. They're all still chasing their selfish agendas of hate, and the mainstream media is spinning this narrative of "coming together in a crisis" rather than admitting that it is THEY who have been lying to us all along about the degree of enmity and social unrest in our society, hoping to increase those very things.

Okay, we've said our piece. Now we're going to push our way out of the dusty rubble in our home to get a takeout order of cheap Chinese food.

That, and a smooch from the woman we love, is our special reward for turning 65 today.

Friday, September 1, 2017

We'll Be Right Back. We Hope.

Okay, we knew the remodelers were eventually coming for our last holdout, but it's happening NOW. So we're unable to post anything today, and may be offline for a week or two (hopefully not, we're just hedging our bets here).

As we write this, the air is filled with fresh toxic fumes (we're having the dining room "orange peel" texture added, which apparently involves spraying the walls with biotoxins), the sound of power tools, and melodious Mariachi music. Man, we just can't get enough of those jolly little accordions!

We'll try to get back ASAP, and will surely find some way to view comments and maybe even respond.

Until then, happy Labor Day (damn those capitalist slavemongers!) and - just in case things don't go well - happy Halloween!


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Quick and the Dead Tired

This will be an uneven post. Here at stately Jarlsberg mansion, we not only had the tile guys descend on us with a vengeance, we were also surprised to receive visits from a carpenter, two plumbers, and some cabinet guys who took the fronts off all our kitchen cabinets AND the cabinet which held our microwave and oven. And still does - because they're gone too.

Since we don't have a stovetop installed either, we were looking at a future of food as cold as Nancy Pelosi's heart. Fortunately, we were saved by the miracle of capitalism (and Chinese slave labor) thanks to a $35 Sunbeam microwave oven from Target. We may still have to have hot dogs for every meal, but by gosh they'll at least be hot hot dogs!

Also, our contractor moved up the schedule a wee bit in several areas (the element of surprise is critical in keeping homeowners from seeing where the next punch will come from), meaning we have to completely empty the contents of the kitchen this evening (every cupboard, shelf, pantry, and hidey-hole) and then get started emptying out the rooms which are currently stacked to the ceilings with all our belongings. Including this one: the inner sanctum of Stilton's Place.

With all this going on tonight, we had to call the doggy daycare and ask them to let Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) spend the night rather than just enjoying her usual daytime play date. We then peeked at the online camera to make sure she was okay, and saw that she was doing nothing except watching the windows and doors for us to come pick her up. Guilt, thy name is stranded dog...

And speaking of dogs, the females are technically referred to as "bitches." Which segues nicely into this cartoon...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, hillary, penny, north korea, MTV, remodeling, antifa, berkeley

Per an idea from our good friends over at The Daily Gouge (who will be using a version of this cartoon today), here's Hillary's version of her debates with Trump as described in her upcoming compendium of lies, "What Happened."

She claims "he was literally breathing down my neck" (he wasn't), her "skin crawled," and she wanted to shout "Back up, you creep! Get away from me!" A line which had previously allowed her to dodge all male advances except, apparently, those made by Webb Hubbell.

Also in the news, the oxymoronic "peace armies" of Antifa raised more Hell in Berkeley to make sure "free speech" couldn't break out...

Hey, YOUR signs lie, OUR signs lie.
The image above should cranch the butthole of anyone who's ever read "1984." Shields emblazoned with "No Hate" and cartoon animals, carried by masked, armed thugs who've come to beat the crap out of anyone they don't agree with (while the police stand back with a nod and a wink to "give them space" to do their genuinely fascist thing).

At some point, a citizen is going to take poorly to being beaten in the streets, and is going to demonstrate to an Antifa member how the 2nd Amendment works. And unfortunately, this is exactly what Antifa and the Left are hoping for: a precious martyr. Frankly, we're surprised that they haven't fragged one of their own yet just to try to pin the blame on the evil Freedom of Speech lovers. And for all we know, that fallen Antifa member might wind up surrounded by 72 virgins - which is ironic because the same was true whenever he attended an average Antifa organizational meeting.

Regarding the Texas coastal cities (and soon Louisiana) coping with hurricane Harvey, we find the carnage heartbreaking but the many acts of heroism and neighborliness inspiring. We'll be making a donation to help as soon as we sort out a good and efficient charity (hint: not The Clinton Foundation), and we hope that the rain will just stop as soon as possible.  Way up here in north Texas, we've only gotten some very scattered showers of no importance.

What else? It seems worth mentioning that by actually shooting a missile over Japan, North Korea's Kim Jung Un is making a desperate plea for "death by cop" (or in this case, the World's cop). And we're growing more inclined to see his wish granted.

Speaking of useless blights on humanity, may we call attention to virtually everyone at the recent MTV Music Awards? Granted, this masturbatory self-celebration is always a pointless waste of time, but we can't really forgive them for the foul song they played to the gala's entire in-theater audience during a commercial break.

Here it is; the meat of the song kicks in at :28 and is Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For White People, Not Safe For Those With Heart Conditions, and frankly Not Safe For Those Uncomfortable with Black People Being Called Niggas (which, theoretically, makes us racists).

As much as we hate to (ahem) denigrate an obviously brain-damaged, Tourette's-afflicted rapper who likely can't wipe his own ass without help from a cellmate, we condemn this song and the overpaid coke-snorting executives at MTV who thought it appropriate to associate with their brand.

Which actual Americans should. Forever.