Al Be Seeing You!

Senate slimeball Al Franken has announced that he's resigning "in a few weeks" in response to multiple accusations that he has aggressively tried to steal kisses and is a serial fanny squeezer.

Of course, Franken doesn't admit any wrongdoing whatsoever - going so far as saying that some of the accusations are untrue (i.e., the ladies are lying - which we've previously been lectured is an impossibility) and that he has very different recollections of the other incidents. Specifically, that when he was squeezing women's backsides, he erroneously believed them to be irresistible rolls of Charmin toilet tissue (the so-called "Mr. Whipple" defense).

Our parting words for the disgraced Senator: don't let the screen door hit you where you've been hitting on everyone else.

Moan-ivational Posters

There comes a time in life when we feel the importance of giving back to younger generations and sharing the hard-won wisdom we've accrued over decades of experience.

And for us, that time came yesterday when we had an hour to kill and nothing to entertain ourselves with other than an iPad and an app designed to make motivational memes.

The app comes complete with a number of iconic, tasteful images which can easily be paired with genuinely inspirational quotes.

Or not - which is the direction we took...

Feel free to print these and hang them on your walls for inspiration. Better still, print them and hang them on the walls of those who deserve to be confused and depressed!

Ross To Judgement

In what we're hoping will soon become a trend, ABC News has suspended their reporter Brian Ross not for boob grabbing, fanny patting, weeny waggling, or misuse of an under-the-desk "rape button," but rather for committing actual journalistic malfeasance.

Specifically, Ross broke the story (perhaps not realizing just how broken it was) that former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn was prepared to testify that candidate Donald Trump had told him to make contact with the Russians during the election - no doubt for purposes of heinous collusion in the first degree.

Wow! That's a pretty damning story - and the stock market reacted with a plunge of over 300 points as evil millionaires and billionaires rushed to the exits, aware that the criminal Trump administration was finished.

Fortunately for us, and quite unfortunately for ABC, the story was 100% untrue - although we can't say yet if this can be attributed to straight up lying or just ham-handed ineptitude.

Actually, Flynn was prepared to testify that President-Elect Trump (after the election) predictably and appropriately asked him to make contact with Russia as any transition team would do - in this case to discuss the possibility of joint US/Russian military options to fight ISIS.

Ross has been suspended without pay for 4 weeks, and ABC has issued a retraction of the earlier story...albeit without the hoopla surrounding their original "scoop." Frankly, we're hoping that Ross spends his time off productively, perhaps watching old reruns of "Dragnet." He'd at least be reminded of the importance of gathering "just the facts."